Building Trust in Ghostwriting: Creating Comfortable Spaces for Hard Conversations
October 23, 2024
Have you ever told someone a secret or something embarrassing or shameful, only to have that person brush it off or change the subject? I think we probably all have. It feels terrible, doesn’t it? And the bigger your confession is, the worse it feels when it isn’t given due respect.
Like servicemembers, law enforcement officers, and clergy, writers, ghostwriters, and journalists are sometimes called upon to hear from people with difficult stories. Illness, mental health problems, abusive relationships — these topics are rife with the potential to cause discomfort.
Even if your client doesn’t have a story like that to share, they might still feel sensitive. Cultural and religious beliefs, proprietary details about a business, and legal or financial issues can also be difficult to discuss openly.
And yet, as ghostwriters, it’s sometimes our job, not only to discuss them openly, but even to keep going, past our client’s point of comfort.
It’s a statement of confidence — one that should be honored—that our clients make to us when they entrust us with their story.
But, let’s be honest, it can also stymie us, can’t it?
We can easily — albeit unintentionally — turn into the person at the top of this post who brushes off the confession with a wave of our hand or minimizes the betrayal with a change of subject.
How do we avoid giving into our own discomfort? How do we help our clients avoid giving into theirs? When it’s necessary, how do we become a safe person for them to open up to? How do we deliver quality and value, while also respecting our clients’ boundaries?
Ghostwriter Tips for Instilling Sensitivity Into Interviews
Flori Meeks, a copywriter for The Writers for Hire based in Houston, has great insights into how ghostwriters can best help clients feel comfortable with discussing sensitive topics. “I conducted quite a few interviews with a memoir client who lost a parent as a child and then was abused by a stepparent,” she says. “[The memoir client] made it clear that she found the subject matter difficult to talk about, but she felt it was important.”
Meeks emphasizes the importance of remembering who works for whom when it comes to sensitive topics. “Ghostwriters work for a client, and while our goal is to produce the best possible product we can for them, their needs and priorities always comes first…we should respect our clients’ wishes.”
Dale Stanley, a pastoral intern for the North American Lutheran Church who has worked with addicts, the homeless, and parishioners dealing with trauma and other difficult experiences, emphasizes “sensitivity, discretion, and compassion” for these subjects, as well as the understanding that, in some cases, people have been “carrying that subject around” inside themselves for a long time.
It can be a big deal, and might feel unsettling at the least, to discuss it with someone else.
Another thing to keep in mind is to hold ourselves back from offering our own thoughts and opinions. It might feel counterintuitive to sit quietly while the person you are speaking to is crying about their disappointments and hurts, but allowing your subject that space is key.
“Listen quietly,” Meeks says, “without interjecting our thoughts or similar experiences into the conversation. Let the client do most of the talking.”
Stanley’s own experiences have given him the same wisdom. When asked how he puts parishioners or counselees—many of whom come to him with painful experiences—at ease, he says that he “presents [himself] as very willing to listen—not offering advice but asking questions and learning the context…really allowing [the other person] to open up without any prescriptive talk.”
The insights from Meeks and Stanley are echoed by none other than the American Psychological Association (APA) which, in 2023, published this article about the importance of conversations and how to conduct them well.
In her research, Julia Minson, PhD, an associate professor at the Harvard Kennedy School and contributor to a 2017 paper on the subject, concluded that follow-up questions improve the quality of the conversation—but “the key is showing that you’re listening. Asking questions is less effective if they have nothing to do with what your conversation partner just said.”
In addition, Thalia Wheatley, PhD, a Dartmouth College professor, found that “effective listening tends to lead to short gaps during conversations, which is linked to higher satisfaction among participants.”
Describing something we can all relate to, Wheatley goes on to say, “When someone responds too quickly to something very personal…they weren’t ‘dancing’ with you in the right way.” So don’t feel guilty about taking those pauses before moving on to your next question — it will show your interviewee that you’re really listening.
Putting Ghostwriter Tips Into Practice
Getting down to the logistics: How do you make the experience as comfortable as possible for the other person?
There are lots of options. “Deferring to where they want to meet is certainly part of it,” says Stanley.
“Maybe the client will want a friend or family member with them as a source of support,” adds Meeks, though she also cautions, “I’d politely lay down some ground rules, like asking the friend or family member not to add their own thoughts unless asked to, so they don’t change the direction of the conversation.”
Finally, don’t be afraid to end early. “If the client seems stressed, emotional, or has just shared something extremely intense, it could be a good time to wrap up the interview,” suggests Meeks.
Checking in with your client — asking a simple “would you like to continue?” — also provides space for your client to decide what’s best.
Stanley has found that sometimes sticking to pre-set time limits is helpful: “Hav[e] a clear goal of what can be accomplished and clearly stat[e] the time that is available…and, at the end, assess or clarify what’s been said and whether or not more is needed.”
Knowing at the outset that this difficult conversation has a definite end point can be reassuring.
Summing It Up
At the end of the day, what all of this advice and guidance boils down to is: Honor your client. You’ve been asked to be the recipient of whatever information is painful or difficult to relay. That is a sacred trust, not to be taken lightly.
Listen well, empathize, and don’t talk too much — take these tips to heart, and you will be remembered by all your clients as someone to be trusted.
